Stephanie Anderson

Randy writes: “Another place I’ve felt that throat clenching darkness is at abortion clinics. Once I opened a dumpster at an abortion clinic and saw blood and flesh. I was overwhelmed with a horror that wasn’t like something made to look bad in a movie, but was real and undiluted evil.”

It’s hard to totally know what to make of your experience, and my first recommendation would be, if you haven’t already done so, to talk to your pastor or another trusted leader at your church to get wise counsel and pastoral care.

There is nothing that Satan wants more than to see God’s people pressed down, burdened with shame, and stuck living with regrets. Paul encouraged us not to be “unaware of his schemes” (2 Corinthians 2:11). Satan doesn’t want us to be effective for God’s Kingdom in the present, right now, because we are always looking back.

Even “clean” romance books could be wrong for some people to read if they are drawing our hearts away from Christ and creating unhealthy dynamics in marriage. Only God has the ability to see into your heart to know whether what you are reading, and the effects on your heart, are sinful or not.

Your desire to invest in what’s eternal through generosity is admirable. We certainly don’t want to discourage anyone from pursuing radical generosity! 

I assume you are referring to the idea that a cardinal represents the memory, or sense of connection, with a loved one who has died? Or some seem to go as far as to say it’s a loved one sending a message.

When people say something like, “Your loved one in Heaven held your baby before she/he was born,” I’m sure they are trying to provide well-meaning comfort. But this sentiment is not supported by Scripture.

We pray that you will experience the freedom of walking with Jesus, and victory over sin by His Holy Spirit and the power of His Word. 

It’s common for those who are grieving to find attending church difficult. So it’s certainly understandable that you would find aspects of church life very challenging right now. But let me also encourage you not to give up on attending church in person.