在过去很多年的时间里，我一直在编写以下的这些材料，将其呈现给许多年轻人还有他们的父母。当我现在已婚的女儿们还是青少年的时候，我就进一步完善这些内容，以便与她们以及那些请求与她们约会的年轻人一起分享和讨论。
以下简化版的 “性纯洁指南”。
1. 性是美好的，乃是出于神的创造，神将其称为是“好的”。在没有任何罪进到世界以先，性就存在了。
性并非出自撒但，《花花公子》，网络或那些潜伏在色情音像店阴暗角落的变态。然而，神要求我们按照他的意念和要求来看待性，而不是效法世界的方式（以弗所书5:3-4）。性是神为一男一女的神圣婚约的设计，且仅保留在这样的盟约里。
2. 就像从神而来的所有美好恩赐一样，性也会被滥用和扭曲。
正如水是神所赐的，也是我们生活的必需品。可是洪水和海啸则是失控的水，会带来毁灭性的影响。同样，神对性的设计也有特定的界限。当行在神创造的目的时，性就是美好和有益的。但若失去控制，违背神创造的目的，性就会变得丑陋和产生破坏。
3. 性的界限就是婚姻的界限。
性的联合要表达一辈子的委身，象征只有在无条件婚姻委身才有属灵联合。在婚姻之外，没有长久委身，性行为就成了虚假的表达和谎言。性的合法性并不是藉由主观感觉，而是通过婚姻一辈子的委身来确立。
4. 在你与神的同行中你的性纯洁是至关重要的。
对顺服的基督徒而言，持守性纯洁并非可有可无的选择，而是一种必须。神的旨意更注重是我们品行和道德纯洁，而不是我们的环境，如工作和学校。“神的旨意就是要你们成为圣洁，远避淫行”（帖撒罗尼迦前书 4:3）。
5. 你在道德的性行为方面也会软弱。
不要欺骗自己说那绝不会发生在你身上——会的。“所以，自己以为站得稳的，须要谨慎，免得跌倒”（哥林多前书 10:12）。如果你以为自己绝不会在性的方面跌倒，你就会疏忽采取预防措施来避免其发生。
6. 你会成为不道德性行为的攻击。
你在基督里的服侍越多，撒但就越想摧毁你和神在你里面及藉着你所做的工。那恶者想要使你跌倒，而且使你成为其他基督徒的坏榜样。但神要我们成为圣洁纯全的器皿，合乎主用（提摩太后书 2:20-21）。不管试探我们的恶者能力有多大，神都有更加无限的大能拯救我们，并已在基督里将一切关乎生命和虔敬的事赐给我们（彼得后书 1:3-4）。
7. 你的身体是属乎神，而不是自己的。
“因为你们是重价买来的，所以要在你们的身子上荣耀神”（哥林多前书 6:20）。当你归向基督，确定他就是自己生命的主时，你就把自己，包括身体，全然地降服于神。他为此付上了那至高的代价：全能神的宝血！
8. 性纯洁是从意念开始，不是身体。
“你要保守你心，胜过保守一切，因为一生的果效是由心发出”（箴言 4:23）。要留意你的意念向什么敞开。如果你在节食，那就不要去31冰淇淋店。你若这么做，你的任何抗拒都会崩溃。如果你想远离淫念，那就不要去那些会激起你情欲的地方，不要看那些会激起你淫念的影片，节目和文字。不要用垃圾食品来喂食你的心思意念，而是确保自己能够得到属灵营养。
9. 神既不希望你有婚前性行为，他也不想你去为自己的身体进行婚前性行为的安排。
身体的接触会是连续性的，从坐得靠近，牵手开始，逐渐进一步发展，一直会到最后的性行为。圣经并没有明确指出哪一些“中间”行为是可行的，但有一点是肯定的——你们必须在其中一方的性欲被激发前终止。
10. 只要你们让自己的身体越界，你们就会忘掉或忽视自己的基督徒信念。
有的基督徒祷告求神保守他们的贞洁，然后又刻意让自己受到试探，然后纳闷神为什么没有垂听他们的祷告。不管你多么热切地祷告自己不要落入不道德的试探，只要你持续做出让自己遭受不道德试探的决定，你最终肯定会跌倒。所以，不要让你的选择弱化了并使你的祷告失效。
11. 如果你在婚外与他人发生性关系，你就是在从神和别人那里进行偷盗。
因为所有人都是属于神的，而不属于你，也就是说你是在当晚借用了那个人。要在如何处理不属于自己的东西上小心。你必定要向对方的主人承担责任。
12. 当神告诉你不要有婚前性行为时，他对你有更美好的旨意。
性并非只关乎你的行为，性也是构成你的身份。性关乎你全人的整体健康。婚外性行为不论在哪个层面上来说都是自我毁灭性的。而持守性纯洁一定是最好的选择——不单是对神和对别人，对你自己也是。
13. 如果不可能远离不洁，那神就不会要求你这样做。
性是每个人都能克制的东西——它是一种强烈的欲望，没错，但它从来不是紧急和必须的事情。“教训我们除去不敬虔的心和世俗的情欲，在今世自守，公义，敬虔度日”（提多书 2:12）。你可以也应该倚靠在基督里的资源，并对犯罪的试探说“不”。
14. 在性方面，撒但会欺骗你，但耶稣会告诉你真理。
耶稣论到撒但说：“他说谎是出于自己，因他本来是说谎的，也是说谎之人的父”（约翰福音 8:44）。撒但是说谎的，但耶稣就是真理，也是真理的传扬者（约翰福音 14:6）。他说：“你们必晓得真理，真理必叫你们得以自由”（约翰福音 8:32）。那些相信撒但在性方面谎言的人终究会被辖制，但是那些相信基督关于性方面真理的人最终将得自由。
15. 你必须学习进行长期而不是短期的思考。
无论好坏，你都是种什么收什么——你必须承受自己选择所带来的结果。“不要自欺，神是轻慢不得的。人种的是什么，收的也是什么”（加拉太书 6:7)）。性不洁的终生恶果会超出我们的想象，而持守性纯洁的终生结果会超出我们的所求所想。
16. 如果你违反了上述的任何指南的意见，请认罪，悔改，并开始实施计划避免日后再犯。
只要你认罪悔改的时候，神就会洁净你：
“东离西有多远，他叫我们的过犯离我们也有多远”（诗篇 103:12）。
“我们若认自己的罪，神是信实的，是公义的，必要赦免我们的罪，洗净我们一切的不义”（约翰一书 1:9）。
就算你不再是处子之身，你可以也应该追求自己的第二次贞洁——从今以后持守性纯洁，为自己的婚姻伴侣保守自己，若神选择赐给你这样的婚姻伴侣。你需要的不只是持守自身贞洁的良好意愿，你需要制定计划。如果你已经委身与另一位成长中的基督徒建立关系，请诚实地讨论并制定计划，避免你们落入婚前性行为的试探。
让你的生活方式可以使你能听到主对你说“做的好”。请选择遵循普遍的正确道德原则。透过持守性纯洁来尊荣神。你若这么做，你就会经历他的祝福和奖赏，不单是在今天，明天和往后的十年，而是在永恒里。
Sexual Purity: 16 Things You Need to Know
I’ve developed the following material and presented it to many young people and their parents over many years. When my now married daughters were teenagers, I honed it further for sharing and discussion with them and the young men who asked to date them.
What follows is an abridged version of the longer material, “Guidelines for Sexual Purity.”
1. Sex is good. God created it, God called it “good,” and it existed before there was any sin in the world.
Sex was not created by Satan, Playboy, the Internet, or some pervert lurking in the shadows of a porn shop. However, God requires us to address sex within his intentions and requirements, not the world’s (Ephesians 5:3-4). God designed sex for the sacred union of marriage between a man and a woman, and reserves it for that union.
2. Like all good gifts from God, sex can be misused and perverted.
Water is a gift of God, without which we couldn’t survive. But floods and tidal waves are water out of control, and the effects are devastating. Likewise, God designed sex to exist within certain boundaries. When exercised in line with God’s intended purpose, it is beautiful and constructive. When out of control, violating God’s intended purpose, it becomes ugly and destructive.
3. The boundaries of sex are the boundaries of marriage.
Sexual union is intended as an expression of a lifelong commitment, a symbol of the spiritual union that exists only within the unconditional commitment of marriage. Apart from marriage, the lasting commitment is absent and the sex act becomes a false expression, a lie. Sex does not become permissible through subjective feelings, but through the objective lifelong commitment of marriage.
4. Your sexual purity is essential to your walk with God.
Sexual purity is not an option for an obedient Christian; it’s a requirement. God’s will is centered on our character and moral purity much more than on our circumstances, such as job and schooling: “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality” (1 Thessalonians 4:3).
5. You are vulnerable to sexual immorality.
Don’t kid yourself that it can never happen to you—it can. “So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!” (1 Corinthians 10:12). If you think you’ll never fall sexually, you’ll fail to take precautions to keep it from happening.
6. You are targeted for sexual immorality.
The more involved you are in serving Christ, the greater vested interests Satan has in destroying you and God’s work in and through you. The evil one wants to take you down and to use your life as a bad example to other Christians. God requires that we be holy and pure instruments to be used by Him (2 Timothy 2:20-21). But as powerful as the evil one is to tempt us, God is infinitely more powerful to deliver us and has given us in Christ all the resources we need to live godly lives (2 Peter 1:3-4).
7. Your body belongs to God, not you.
“You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body” (I Corinthians 6:20). When you came to Christ, when you affirmed Him as Lord of your life, you surrendered your entire self, including your body, to God. He paid the ultimate price for it: the shed blood of God Almighty!
8. Sexual purity begins in the mind, not the body.
“Above all else, guard your heart [mind, inner being], for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:23). Be careful what you expose your mind to. If you’re on a diet, don’t go to Baskin & Robin’s. If you do, your resistance will break down. If you want to abstain from lust, you don’t go places and watch movies and programs and read things that stimulate lust. Don’t give your mind junk food. Be sure you’re getting spiritual nutrition.
9. Since God doesn’t want you to have premarital sex, neither does He want you to do that which prepares your body for premarital sex.
There is a continuum of physical contact that begins with things like sitting close and hand-holding on the near side and moves to sexual intercourse on the far side. Scripture does not spell out exactly what “intermediate” behavior is permissible, but one thing is certain—the line must be drawn before either of you becomes sexually stimulated.
10. Once you let your body cross the line, it will neither know nor care about your Christian convictions.
Some Christians pray God will protect their purity, then willfully put themselves into temptation and wonder why God didn’t answer their prayer. No matter how fervently you pray that you will not fall into immorality, you will fall if you continue to make choices that feed your temptation toward immorality. Don’t allow your choices to undermine and invalidate your prayers.
11. If you have sexual intimacy with someone outside marriage, you are stealing from God and the other person.
Since he or she belongs to God, not you, that means you are borrowing this person for the evening. Be careful what you do with what doesn’t belong to you. You’ll be held accountable to his or her Owner.
12. God has your best interests in mind when He tells you not to have premarital sex.
Sex is not just something you do—sex is someone you are. It is linked to the welfare of your whole person. Having sex outside of marriage is self-destructive in every sense. Sexual purity is always for the best—not only for God and others, but for you.
13. God would not tell you to abstain from impurity if it was impossible to obey him.
Sex is something everyone can abstain from—it is a strong desire, yes, but never an emergency, never a necessity. “The grace of God teaches us to say ‘No’ to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age” (Titus 2:12). You can and should draw upon your resources in Christ, and say “no” to temptations to sin.
14. Satan will lie to you about sex, but Jesus tells you the truth.
Jesus said of Satan, “When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies” (John 8:44). Satan is a liar, but Jesus is the truth and the truth-teller (John 14:6). He said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32). Those who believe Satan’s lies about sex end up in bondage. Those who believe Christ’s truth about sex end up free.
15. You must learn to think long term, not short term.
Good or bad, you will always reap what you sow—you will always harvest the consequences of your choices. “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows” (Galatians 6:7). The lifelong consequences of sexual impurity are worse than we can imagine. The lifelong rewards of sexual purity are greater than we can imagine.
16. If you’ve violated some of these guidelines, confess, repent and implement a plan to prevent future violations.
When you confess and repent of your sins, God will cleanse you:
"As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us” (Psalm 103:12).
"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).
Even if you are no longer a virgin you can and should commit yourself to secondary virginity—to remain sexually pure from this day forward, preserving yourself only for your marriage partner, should God choose to give you one. You need more than good intentions to maintain your purity—you need a plan. If you are committed to a relationship with a growing Christian discuss it honestly and formulate a plan to prevent falling back into premarital intimacy.
Live in such a way as to hear your Lord say to you one day, “Well done.” Get on the right side of the universe’s moral system. Honor God by living in sexual purity. If you do, you’ll experience His blessing and rewards not only today, tomorrow, and ten years from now, but throughout eternity.
Photo: Unsplash
