Question from a reader:

I think a lot about Heaven since my beloved husband went there. I know about Randy’s book, but I haven't read it. I'm so curious about what Heaven is like as I miss my husband terribly. Words cannot express my sadness. I'm lonely. There is nobody here with me. We had no children. We have no family. Christian friends have their own lives. I'm practically alone. We both worked as missionaries overseas. I need help, but I don't even know what help I need!

Answer from Heidi McLaughlin, EPM staff:

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. The death of a spouse is an earth-shattering and life-altering event.

Randy recalls the first year after losing Nanci as being in a fog. Because of his intensive studies on Heaven and the New Earth he felt more hope than he would have without knowing God’s promises for the future, but that first year especially was hard. 

Here is an excerpt from one of the links below. I think you will see the kind of perspective he had that really helped him.

Randy wrote a few weeks after Nanci’s death,

“It’s true that I haven’t lost Nanci because I know where she is. I’m not concerned about her safety or well-being because she is safely home, and better off than she ever was in this world under the Curse. But I miss her so much. I frequently have the instinct to ‘tell Nanci.’ Yet I am so aware of where she is. I often ask Jesus to tell her about her grandsons’ tennis and track accomplishments, and I have no doubt He does, as I can’t think of a single reason He wouldn’t.”

He also wrote,

“Jesus is Nanci’s best friend and my best friend. She is there with Him, and He is here with me. So Jesus is the bridge that keeps us connected until we live in that new world, with new bodies and minds, that He is preparing for us. The connection I feel to her through Him is profound.”

We normally recommend that people attend some type of biblically based grief support group such as Grief Share after the loss of a spouse. You need that kind of support right now. I don’t know if there would be a group like that where you live, but griefshare.org does offer online options. If a support group doesn’t work out for you, then we highly recommend grief counseling.

Here are some resources for you:

What Are My Loved Ones Experiencing in the Present Heaven?

Do Those in Heaven Still Think and Care about Their Loved Ones?

In Heaven, Will I Still Share Life with My Spouse?

Don’t Let Grief and Pain Become Your Idol—Let Them Point You to Jesus

Grief and loss, especially early on, can make it really hard to concentrate on reading a big book like Heaven. There are many more resources on Heaven and grief on our website. Just do a search and you will see many more articles.  Since they come in more bite-size pieces, maybe they will be easier for you to digest than a large book. Randy’s small devotional 50 Days of Heaven has been a great comfort to many still in the fog of early grief.

Another resource is our friend Lynne Hoeksema. She has written several books and has a website that she started after the loss of her husband. It might feel like having a friend walk with you through it. 

I know that it can feel like other couples and families are too busy for you, but you really need to be with people right now. I encourage you to fight through the feelings that your Christian friends have their own lives. This is what the Christian community is supposed to do for each other. Have the courage to tell them what you need, and they might surprise you with how they will show up. And have grace for them too. We often don’t know how to help someone in grief. We want to, but we end up saying stupid things sometimes. So be patient with people and tell them you need them and try to think of specific ways they can support you. Maybe you need someone to help you go through your husband’s things (at the right time when you are ready), or maybe you just need someone to come sit with you and be present without talking. 

Above all, ask Jesus to walk with you through this. Ask Him to send you the help and support you need. Lean hard into Him. Sometimes when we are in deepest grief, we think He’s not showing up but trust what you know about Him to be true! Read the Scriptures that remind you that He walks with you.

I’m just so sorry. I wish I could reach across the distance and give you a hug. 

Father God, the Great Comforter: please be near to your beloved child now as she walks through this time of grief. I know that your heart is heavy for her. You care for your children and what we go through because of death. Thank you for defeating it! Thank you that someday we will be with you together with our loved ones who have gone before us, and you will wipe away every tear. Make your presence felt and known to her today.