Question from a reader:

I have been saved from a young age and love Jesus with all my heart. I divorced my first husband, who was physically abusive, even though I have always hated divorce and never wanted it. I got remarried to a wonderful man, but due to mental illness, we ended up divorcing. Later we regretted that decision and got back together. We respoke our vows to the pastor who had married us, but I am still uncertain if we should remarry? We both love Jesus and want to do the right thing. We also want to go to Heaven.

Answer from Stephanie Anderson, EPM staff:

I’m responding on Randy’s behalf. I’m so glad to hear of your love for Jesus and your desire to honor Him. It was wonderful to read that your story includes reconciliation. God bless you both for choosing forgiveness and for desiring to make your relationship work, with God’s help.

You mentioned you both want to go to Heaven: just a reminder for us all that the Gospel’s Good News is that it’s not what we do or don’t do that gets us into Heaven; our entrance is solely based on Christ’s work on our behalf. Randy writes, “There’s no righteous deed we can do that will earn us a place in Heaven (Titus 3:5). We come to Christ empty-handed. We can take no credit for salvation: ‘For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast’ (Ephesians 2:8-9). This gift cannot be worked for, earned, or achieved in any sense. It’s not dependent on our merit or effort but solely on Christ’s generous and sufficient sacrifice on our behalf.” (See this article.)

By your question, “Should we remarry?” I’m not sure if you mean remarry in the sense of having a public ceremony with witnesses, or remarry as in file paperwork with the state where you live to be legally remarried, and reverse the legal status of “divorced”?

This is an article written by a scholar and a friend of our ministry. While much of his answer doesn’t pertain exactly to your situation, he does share these perspectives:

I recommend a traditional marriage, including paperwork, for the following reasons:

1) One gets a state marriage license to give rights, especially to the wife and her children, in this society. This paper should be considered a contract for legal rights on this earth in this culture.

2) Get married in a church, with an ordained minister (that is the real 'license'), who will remind the couple, and the community witnessing it, the commitment and its implications to have one-man-one-woman for life (until death).

*As a side note, remember that often a "community witness" is an essential part of God's plan. Just as one example, Jesus on the Damascus Road asked Paul, "why do you persecute me?" when this is clearly a reference to his church. When the church is witnessing the marriage, they are the physical presence of the invisible God.

Here is another article from a website we recommend. They say this:

So, what constitutes marriage in God’s eyes? It would seem that the following principles should be followed: 1) As long as the requirements are reasonable and not against the Bible, a man and a woman should seek whatever formal governmental recognition is available. 2) A man and a woman should follow whatever cultural, familial, and covenantal practices are typically employed to recognize a couple as “officially married.” 3) If possible, a man and a woman should consummate the marriage sexually, fulfilling the physical aspect of the “one flesh” principle.

You said, “My heart is in turmoil” which indicates that you feel something more needs to happen to give your heart and conscience rest in this area. You re-spoke your vows before the minister who’d originally married you, so perhaps the legal documents are all that’s missing. Do you have a church you consider “home”? This would be a great subject to discuss with your pastor or another leader at your church—someone who knows you personally and can speak biblically into your lives with love and wisdom. And of course, I encourage you and your husband to ask Jesus if there is something more He wants you to do. He promises us wisdom when we ask (James 1:5).

May the Lord guide you both and honor your desire to honor Him.