Question from a reader:

Randy, I’ve really appreciated your books. You don’t hesitate to apply Scripture, even where it steps on my toes. My question is this: my wife and I are near retirement age, have ample savings, and have paid off our home. I’ve received an inheritance in the form of some property and would love to sell it and invest the money in God’s Kingdom. But my wife is strongly against that idea. It really upsets me to think of standing before God and answering for my use of this property. I want to honor my wife, but I also want to honor the Lord by investing in eternity. We went on a missions trip years ago, and it did give us both a passion for missions. But it has still not brought us resolution on this issue.

Answer from Heidi McLaughlin, EPM staff:

Thank you for your note of appreciation about Randy stepping on your toes over the years!

Your situation is a difficult one, and Randy does actually recall a time when Nanci wasn’t as enthusiastic in giving as he was. He advises husbands:

You want to be sure that your generosity is not just directed outside your future home but also inside of it, so that your love and marriage is a joyful reflection of our Savior’s generosity to His own bride. Husbands have a high calling: “In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself” (Ephesians 5:28).

Randy also writes,

I had to learn over the years that sometimes my desire to give as the default action was being insensitive to Nanci. It was when I learned to be more generous with her (and later our daughters) that my desire to give to kingdom causes seemed to Nanci to no longer be in competition with the family needs. She learned to find greater and greater joy in giving, and I learned to find greater and greater joy in growing together in the giving journey by leading—but not pushing or pulling too hard in the process. We were holding hands even if sometimes I was a step ahead or in other areas, she was a step ahead.

I encourage you to endeavor to “hold hands” with your wife, as Randy says above. Walk together in this without pushing or pulling too hard. Patiently keep on praying for the Holy Spirit to move in both your hearts. You sound like you might be a pretty passionate, gung-ho type of person and for you trusting the Lord might mean holding back for now. I think He desires unity for you in your marriage just as much as He desires a generous heart. I trust He’ll show you a way that you can manage both in due time.

This article Randy wrote for Desiring God might be helpful. And here is a Q&A where the wife wants to give more than her husband, but perhaps some of the advice will help you also.

Randy’s book Giving Is the Good Life is full of short stories of people from all walks of life giving generously. He says,

There might be one of those stories that would resonate with your wife where it’s in an area of special interest for her. If you wait to give until she is eager to give, it may never happen, but if she could take ownership of giving, maybe where you both are allotted an amount (say $5K or $10K or even $1K) to give wherever you want, and she could find what excites her, maybe even from examples in the book. Then her heart could follow that treasure and she could gain vested interest in God‘s kingdom. Or maybe you could get involved together in volunteering to work with the needy somewhere and when she establishes relationships with people, her heart could be moved. Something to take her back to what she felt when she went on the missions trip.