I have seen many people, including good friends, tell themselves they’re going to influence unbelievers toward the Lord by spending time with them in their world, who end up violating Ephesians 5:11, which says, “Have no fellowship with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.” Before long, they’re hanging out in bars and nightclubs and watching raunchy movies and pretty much demonstrating that Christians are no different than anybody else—and sometimes they’re proud of their Christian liberty, that they’re not legalists. It’s very sad.
While I strongly believe our closest friends should be those who are walking with Jesus, it’s true we should reach out with love and friendship to those who don’t know Him at all. When Nanci and I were raising our girls, we always encouraged them to pray for unbelievers they knew, befriend them and show them the love of Christ, and invite them to church. However, their solid friendships with committed Christians—most of them in our church youth group—were absolutely crucial to their growing walk with Christ.
But as we befriend and spend time with unbelievers, we must carefully evaluate and ask ourselves: am I influencing them, or being influenced myself? Scripture tells us, “Live wisely among those who are not believers, and make the most of every opportunity” (Colossians 4:5, NLT). Am I coming into their world where I will effectively represent Christ, or where they will politely nod at my being a Christian but will expect me to align myself with their values? Maybe 90% of the time our goals and general values will overlap, or at least not contradict. But what happens in the 10%? Will they come closer to following Jesus, or will I come closer to following their idols?
You have to ask yourself, are you really prepared to represent Christ in an uncompromising way, which will at times require boldness and courage? There will be situations where you have to make a choice whether you’re going to stay at the table and listen to a story about immorality, or whether you’re going to excuse yourself and walk away. And will the urge to please them by not appearing “self-righteous” constrain you to politely listen to the story and become a participant in the unrighteousness?
Trevin Wax writes, “Our identity in Christ should be such an integral part of our lives that it is impossible for someone to know us well without understanding how our Christian faith informs our lives.” If we’re too preoccupied with the world and what people are thinking of us, then we’re liable to compromise the gospel. If we’re trying to please people through our sharing of the Gospel, then we’re going to end up revising God’s message and taking out the parts about sin and hell. What we’ll be left with is not the Gospel. Instead, may we say with Paul: “For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek” (Romans 1:16).
I know of a talented musician who performed at events around the world. He decided to cross over to make an impact in the secular world. He told himself it wasn’t just to further his profession as a musician, but to reach people who need the Lord. Last I heard, he was singing in nightclubs, rarely about the Lord, and his friends said he had lost his spiritual edge. He was in danger of becoming indistinguishable from the very people he stepped away from Christian ministry in order to reach (ironically, he had been reaching a fair number of unbelievers through that Christian ministry).
I also know Christian writers who have determined they’re going to cross over to the secular market to reach more people. They are now reaching more people—but what are they reaching them with? In some cases, the answer is, not much. Certainly not the gospel. Just a cleaner than average, generally redemptive story that doesn’t curse God or make fun of Christians. That’s not a very strategic impact.
Jesus said, “‘I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life’” (John 8:12, NIV). Don’t dim that light by hiding it or trying to camouflage it. Instead do what Jesus did and “let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven” (Matthew 5:16, ESV).
For more insight on this subject, see:
Wisdom in Friendships with Non-Christians
