At times all of us are lonely, but to be chronically lonely is to live with almost unbearable stress. Loneliness may begin with a sense of disconnection from others. You may feel you don’t deserve attention, or feel that no one would want to spend time with someone like you. If you know Christ, you need to embrace a biblical view of yourself that goes beyond the fact that you are a sinner and unworthy of God’s grace. That’s true of all of us. But it’s also true that God loves you and has redeemed you, and that you are in Christ fully acceptable to God and precious in His sight. Jesus promised, “I will be with you always” (Matthew 28:20). Meditate on that and you will not only be less lonely, but your changed perspective will give you greater confidence to build relationships with others.

Another cause of loneliness is individualism. The more we become aware of ourselves as individuals, the more we develop a sense of separation from others. Studies demonstrate that loneliness is more widespread and intense in societies which elevate freedom and individuality than in those which elevate corporate solidarity.

The inner person is habitually set aside in our society because secularism—seeing us as different in degree but not in kind from animals—inevitably denies or de-emphasizes our spiritual natures. But there is in our hearts a deep longing for God, who is the source of happiness and purpose. Pascal said, “There was once in man a true happiness…,” the loss of which created a terrible emptiness. He added, “This infinite abyss can be filled only with an infinite and immutable object; in other words by God himself.”

When our inner person is unfilled and we are out of touch with our Creator, we are left with a sense of cosmic loneliness. We may surround ourselves with people and events and things and activities and noise, but at best these are anesthetics that only cover for the moment the burning pain of our alienation from God—the worst kind of loneliness.

The ultimate answer to loneliness therefore is theological. We must become connected to the One who alone gives not only deliverance from sin, but meaning and purpose and personal relationship. This is what the Bible calls reconciliation. We who were wrong with God are made right with Him, we who were distant from Him are brought near to Him.

What made reconciliation possible? Jesus Christ becoming for us the loneliest being in the universe:

God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. (2 Corinthians 5:21)

About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?”—which means, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46)

In His substitutionary atonement, Christ became our sin, and for the first and only time He was utterly forsaken by His Father. Jesus hung on the cross in all His misery, cloaked in the darkness of absolute aloneness. He experienced the hell of alienation from God so that we would not have to—so we can now enjoy the relationship we most desperately need.

No encounter with a human being can ever replace this ultimate encounter with God. As F.B. Meyer said, “Loneliness is an opportunity for Jesus to make Himself known.”

On the other hand, we are social beings. We need encounters not only with God, but as one child in a story put it, “Someone with skin on.”

While the effect of Jesus’ incarnation was to put skin on God, the physical Jesus is not now with us to look at and listen to and touch and hug. Yet we are physical beings as well as spiritual, and we need human touch here and now. This is why each of us in our own way reaches out to others.

No person is an island. We all need to be connected, to belong. R. C. Sproul wrote, “The first negative judgment we find in Holy Writ is a judgment on loneliness. God said, ‘It is not good for man to be alone.’”

We all need a family, one or more people who provide us the support system that helps keep us afloat. Jesus affirmed that the greatest commandment was to love God, but that the second, inseparable from the first, was to love our neighbor. He never considered these commands incompatible. He saw the second flowing directly from the first. One of the highest ways we love God is by loving people.

We need each other more than ever. The Bible emphasizes the priority of caring for widows, orphans, and any others who are unattached to the warmth and security of the family (see Deuteronomy 10:18, I Timothy 5:3, James 1:27). We must become more alert to adopting and integrating into our families single people (never-married, divorced, or widowed) who do not have close-knit families or who live far away from their families.

Those of you experiencing the stress of loneliness may need to take the initiative to reach out to a family. Invite them over for dinner. Text a friend or acquaintance and ask to meet for lunch or coffee or a walk. Don’t be afraid to say, “I need you,” and “I need you to need me.” In your loneliness, consider others who may be lonely too. Joni Eareckson Tada writes,

You can ask your church leadership for the names of one or two people who can’t make it to church, or you can check with local nursing homes and assisted-living centers to learn their policies for visitors. And, of course, if you know someone who is shut-in, give them a call and ask if there’s a time this week you can drop in (and take a little gift to brighten their day).

The Bible makes a big deal about visiting the lonely. James 1:27 says that visiting orphans and widows in their affliction is what pure and undefiled religion looks like. And in Matthew 25, Jesus says that when we visit the sick, he considers it as though we are visiting him! What a high honor!