Question from a reader:

Should a Christian read romance books or not? The Bible verses you’ve shared on your website seem to only address temptations to outside actions, but that doesn’t answer my questions. My husband and I have been married for many years but due to several reasons, we are not sexually intimate. We are both secure in our relationship, and I love him and would never commit adultery. I don’t blame him for not satisfying my needs, and I have never looked upon another man to lust after him. My husband is aware of my hobby and isn’t bothered by it, and I feel no guilt. However, is reading these books a sin or not? When Christ returns, I know I will give an account of my life to Him, and I don’t want to make a mistake.

Answer from Stephanie Anderson, EPM staff:

I am not certain what you are defining as “romance books”; there is a wide range in that genre. Some romance books are written by Christian authors who want to honor the Lord by keeping the content clean, while other secular ones could be considered a form of written pornography. Randy writes, “While I’m told secular romances often degenerate into erotica, Christian romance novels encourage purity and committed marriages.”

It sounds like you are referencing articles on our website; however, I’m not sure which ones you read. Did you read this one about erotic books as well? Much of what is said there could also apply. Also see this resource from Got Questions.

As you mentioned in your email, God isn’t just concerned about the external sins. Jesus “gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to cleanse for himself a people for his own possession, eager to do good works” (Titus 2:14). He cares about the hidden sins of the heart, not just what’s external. He made that clear when He raised the bar by saying someone could commit adultery in their heart by “just” looking at another person lustfully (Matthew 5:28). It’s even possible to lust when another real person isn’t involved but rather a book character or romantic situation. (Besides being an “intense or unrestrained sexual craving,” lust can also be defined as “an overwhelming desire or craving.”)

God is the author of the greatest romance in history, between Him and His people, and every human romance story is derivative of that ultimate romance. So it’s not that reading or thinking about romance is inherently wrong. But even “clean” romance books could be wrong for some people to read in certain situations if they are drawing our hearts away from Christ and creating unhealthy dynamics in marriage. Only God has the ability to see into your heart to know whether what you are reading, and the effects on your heart, are sinful or not.

Here are some questions that might help as you talk to Him about this:

- Are the romances you are reading about satisfying an emotional need in you that your marriage is not? (Otherwise, what is drawing you to them?)

- Is this the source that God wants you to find satisfaction in, or is it keeping you from finding true fulfillment in your relationship with Christ, the only one who can meet your deepest needs? (Psalm 73:25, Psalm 16:2, Psalm 107:9)

- Is there something else you could be filling your time with that would be more honoring to the Lord and helpful to your marriage? (Philippians 4:8, Ephesians 5:15)

- We certainly respect your privacy related to your marriage, and are not asking for further information. It does sound like this is perhaps your husband who is not pursuing a physical relationship. However, is there a healthier way to address this situation and anything more that could be done (medical help, counseling, etc.) to make that part of your relationship possible again?

- It’s true that in some cases due to physical limitations, a sexual relationship isn’t attainable, but in most marriages it is God’s ideal plan for both the husband and wife to experience sexual and relational fulfillment (1 Corinthians 7:4-5). Is it possible you are actually standing in the way of him getting the help that he needs by minimizing the situation and using romance novels to fill, at the very least, an emotional need?

- If God were to ask you to give up reading these books, would you be able and willing to do that? (Mark 12:30, 1 John 5:21) God’s ideal is for us to not be mastered by anything other than Him (1 Corinthians 6:12).

We commend you for wanting to pursue God and asking for His insights. He promises to give us wisdom when we ask (James 1:5).

We also encourage you to seek insights from wise and trusted women at your local church who can come alongside you and offer counsel. Additionally, if you would like to pursue receiving some counseling support, here are some resources.

Focus on the Family: Counseling Consultation and Referrals “The consultation is available at no cost to you due to generous donor support and will be with one of our licensed or pastoral counseling specialists.”

ABC: association of biblical counselors referral link

May Christ, and His love for you, be the source of your deepest delight.