Grieving the Death of Your Mom, with Hope

© Photo: Pexels

Randy's momMy mom grew up in the Dalles, Oregon, and worked at Charles F. Berg clothing store in Portland, and then became a full-time mom for me and my brother Lance. (This picture is from her days as a model for the store; one of my favorite photographs of her.)

I can’t imagine having had a better mom. I’ve been working on a book about animals and the New Earth, and one of the childhood memories that’s come to me involves the chameleons I would win each year as a boy at the county fair and proudly bring home. I also remember the warm smile on my mom’s face as she somehow avoided eye-rolling. (Part of what made her, in my book, the greatest mother ever.)

My mom was one of the closest friends I've ever had. She came to Christ a year after I did. We grew together, reading and discussing Scripture and great books, praying and laughing together. Mom encouraged me in everything, including in my service as a pastor (she was part of our church) and my article-writing (it was years later I wrote my first book, in 1985). Mom died in 1981, only four months after our daughter Angela was born, and when our daughter Karina was two and a half. Every Monday my mom had Karina stay with her for the day and they were extremely close.

When my mom died, I mourned my loss, my wife’s, and above all my children’s. I felt like part of me had been taken away. That’s not an uncommon experience for those who’ve lost a parent. Afterall, grief is the price of love.

And now, Nanci, my soulmate and the mother of our daughters Karina and Angela, is in the presence of Jesus, so they too are missing the mom they love so dearly.

For those who know Christ, our relationship cannot be terminated, only interrupted. (Angela shared some wonderful reflections about her mom two years ago on my blog, about how this is just a brief interruption in their relationship.) What will eventually follow—whether in hours, days, years, or decades—is a great reunion, wonderful beyond imagination. I can't wait to see my mom, and Nanci, again in the presence of Jesus.

I realize there are some who had difficult relationships with their moms, or who are unsure whether their mom trusted in Christ for salvation. Scripture says, “Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD [Yahweh] will receive me” (Psalm 27:10). Whether though abandonment or death, we may experience separation from our parents; but we can never lose the steadfast love and presence of our Heavenly Father. God’s love—the love of a perfect parent—is our greatest comfort in grief.

Last year, I was interviewed by GriefShare (a ministry we recommend) about my mom’s death and the grief process, for a video called “Remembering Mom.” They interviewed a number of people whose moms have died. One person shared about his difficult grief process, but said, “I learned to be OK with the story God wrote for my mom’s life.” Another said, “Our loved one will always be a part of our life.” So true.

Here’s a preview of “Remembering Mom”:

You can watch the entire 30-minute video on GriefShare, and it’s well worth your time.

(My booklet Grieving with Hope was born out of what I’ve learned over the years about grief, and especially during the last three years since Nanci relocated to Heaven.)

Randy Alcorn (@randyalcorn) is the author of over sixty books and the founder and director of Eternal Perspective Ministries

Topics