Question from a reader:
We know that many happily married couples are troubled by Matthew 22:30, but what about those people who never get married? Or get married but never have children? Or get married later in life and never get to experience the beauty of young marriage?
This article on your site seems to address the fear of missing out. Does no marriage in Heaven (Matthew 22:30, Mark 12:25, and Luke 20:35-36) mean there will be no physical touch of any kind between men and women? Will we still recognize physical beauty? Will there still be special relationships? As for the Marriage Supper of the Lamb, is Jesus gay that men would be married to him?
I don’t see how God could take the place of a wife. He could take my dad’s place, but not the place of the woman of my dreams.
Answer from Stephanie Anderson, EPM staff:
I’m glad you found the articles on our website that relate to your questions. In particular, I think this answer applies to your questions. I’d encourage you to reread her answer and ask the Lord to show you what the root of your questions and concerns might be.
You asked, “As for the Marriage Supper of the Lamb, is Jesus gay that men would be married to him?”
Remember that collectively, the bride of Christ is made up of all His people—men and women. It is not like we are each individually married to Jesus; He is not a polygamist, nor is He gay. Both of those would be perversions of what Paul lays out in Ephesians 5 about marriage, and about Christ and the church. Randy says this in Heaven: “We aren’t individual brides of Christ; we are collectively the bride of Christ. Christ is not a polygamist. He will be married to one bride, not millions.”
It’s so easy for us to take what we know here in this present life, and think that what’s in Heaven will be a copy or derivative of our present experience. But it’s more accurate to view things like marriage now as a shadow of the true reality. Hebrews talks about present realities being “a copy and shadow of what is in Heaven.” And what we experience there will be SO good! One of my favorite verses is Psalm 16:11: “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” Think about that—being in Christ’s presence will be fullness of joy. Not partial joy; there will be no sense of “missing out” or disappointment in Heaven. As Randy puts it, we really will live happily ever after in Jesus’ presence.
That’s where I think “looking beneath the hood” of your questions will be of help to you. Do you fear that God is holding out on you when it comes to relationships and fulfillment? Are you worried that Heaven will be less than wonderful? What do your questions tell you about your theology of God? Are there areas where you need to better understand His character and who He is towards you in Christ?
Your questions about physical contact make me think of the quote from C. S. Lewis: “There are better things ahead than any we leave behind. . . . Our Lord says to you, ‘Peace, child, peace. Relax. Let go. I will catch you.’”
And these words from Randy, referencing another Lewis quote: “But I do think C. S. Lewis’s insight was great, where he talked about the boy who had heard about sex and people having sex and said: ‘Well, do they eat chocolate while they are having it?’ Because he was told it is this wonderful experience. And to him, nothing could be better than eating chocolate. And then Lewis makes the argument that perhaps our sense of loss about the idea of not being able to have sexual relationships is like that boy thinking that chocolate is the greatest joy and that there are greater joys that await us.”
As far as beauty, there will be beauty on the New Earth like we can’t even imagine now. And God will be the most beautiful of all, the source of all beauty: “Honor and majesty surround him; strength and beauty fill his sanctuary” (Psalm 96:6). We will see that beauty reflected in His creation around us, and yes, in the people He has made.
Another Lewis quote comes to mind, talking about how all people will live forever, either in Heaven or in Hell: “It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest most uninteresting person you can talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare.”
Finally, you wrote, “God cannot take the place of a wife. Sure, he could take my dad’s place, but not the place of the girl of my dreams. Only a female can have that role.” It is true that marriage is a good gift, and having a spouse is a wonderful thing. But God did not design us to have our deepest needs met by another person. In this present life, that places a heavy burden on another human being that they can never fulfill, and ultimately makes for a very unhappy marriage. Only Jesus can meet your deepest, soul-level needs for belonging and being known. He promises that those who know Him will be satisfied by His rivers of living water (John 7:38). The best marriage on this present earth is a shadow of what we will experience on the New Earth. Here and now, Jesus is the only one who can truly satisfy your heart. And we will see and know that even more clearly in Heaven one day. “Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days” (Psalm 90:14).
We are a small staff with limited time, so we’re not in a position to go into more depth with you on these topics. But we pray that what we have shared with you by email, and through the resources on our site, will give you some perspective along life’s journey. Do you have a local church you attend? We really want to encourage you to go to talk to a local pastor about your questions. Randy believes in the importance of the local church, and you need a church leader who can come alongside you and offer counsel and help. We don’t want to take the place of the church/a mentor in your life.
God bless you.
