A Jesus-loving young friend who is going through deep suffering sent me these wonderful words:
“I pray God just keeps refining me into the person He wants me to be through this. I want my face to shine like Nanci’s when she talks about her Creator and all that the Ancient of Days did.”
I loved what she said about God continuing to refine her “through this” into the person He wants her to be! Sometimes our focus is only on “remove this suffering or hardship” instead of “use this.” While suffering is not good, God can use it to accomplish immeasurable good. This knowledge should give us great confidence that even when we don’t see any redemptive meaning in our suffering, God can see it—and one day we will too. Therefore, we need not run from suffering or lose hope if God doesn’t remove it or do so as quickly as we’d like. We can trust that God has a purpose for whatever He permits.
I was especially touched by what my friend said about Nanci. She truly did exemplify a profound trust in a sovereign God working all things together for her good. Her primary goal was not to “beat cancer,“ although she diligently did everything she was called on to do to fight that battle. But she knew that some things were beyond her control and were only under God‘s control. And she was truly at peace with that.
I miss Nanci every day, but the sorrow is sweet in its own way. I cannot think of her without feelings of extreme gratitude. Through her suffering, she went from being very godly to being a true saint in the full sense. (See Can Cancer Be God’s Servant? What I Saw in My Wife’s Last Four Years.)
Not long ago, I was sent this photo of Nanci when she was 30 years old, co-leading a high school group at our church. Check out the amazing look on her face, especially her eyes and smile! I saw that look often and it is one of the things I miss most about her. The single thing I miss the most is the sound of her loud laughter that filled the house!
If I have learned anything in these four and a half years Nanci has been with Jesus, and the years that led up to her death, it is that I can simultaneously feel great sorrow and grief, and yet feel that sorrow eclipsed by the greater joy that Jesus gives.
I like this longer version of the serenity prayer:
“God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His Will;
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever and ever in the next. Amen.”
I recommended that my friend listen to some resources from Elisabeth Elliott, widow of martyred missionary Jim Elliott. Elisabeth spoke at our church many years ago. Here she is speaking on “Suffering Is Not for Nothing”:
Elisabeth has a wonderful audiobook that’s just 3 1/2 hours long, titled Suffering Is Never for Nothing (it’s read by a narrator, but it’s Elisabeth’s words).
Here are some quotes from her book:
“The deepest things that I have learned in my own life have come from the deepest suffering. And out of the deepest waters and the hottest fires have come the deepest things that I know about God.”
“Whatever is in the cup that God is offering to me, whether it be pain and sorrow and suffering and grief along with the many more joys, I’m willing to take it because I trust Him.”
“We need Jesus Christ, our refuge, our fortress, the stronghold of my life. It takes desolation to teach us our need of Him.”
“There have been some hard things in my life, of course, as there have been in yours, and I cannot say to you, I know exactly what you’re going through. But I can say that I know the One who knows. And I’ve come to see that it’s through the deepest suffering that God has taught me the deepest lessons. And if we’ll trust Him for it, we can come through to the unshakable assurance that He’s in charge. He has a loving purpose. And He can transform something terrible into something wonderful. Suffering is never for nothing.”
